Life and Times of the Strange

Thanks for the free Postage

2010-12-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

A while back I got sick of getting annoying donations requests from my college in the mail and other enticements that included postage paid return envelopes. So I started putting them in the mail but not with donations or credit card applications. I put in random notes and pennies, etc, because why the fuck not. Hey college you want me to donate money to you while I am busting my ass to pay off my student loans... here is a penny with a note that says don't spend it all in once place, you are welcome.

Hey credit card company you insist on sending me credit card offer after credit card offer well here is a post it note that says "Did you hear that" or "call me (with my friends phone number on it)".

So if you believe in the mantra Reduce, Reuse, Recycle then send those fuckers right back. You are reusing what you were forced to receive and spreading the strange at the same time.

You ever look in the mirror while naked and say to yourself I could definetly afford to lose 10-15 pounds? and other times think oh shit this is a window?

Are you chewing into a fucking microphone?!!

2010-11-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

Holy backflip shit, I know you have seen my posts on Life and Times of The Strange about a co-worker that chews food louder than a fucking buzz saw. Its like he is sitting on my shoulder munching away in my ear. As soon as I see him turn the corner with his breakfast I reach for my Ipod like a drowning man to a donkey's tail.

Its just so fucking gross, the squishing fluid sound, the smakcing of lips and then the real bullett to the head, the FINGER LICKING, yes he does that. Its like kicking my ears in the balls after you shot them in the face. Which technically would by my balls and face but whatever... So what the fuck, I have a mouth concert every morning at 8:30, as soon as I hear the distinct noise of sloppy chewing my brain seizes. I can deal with the throat clearing 100 times a day but this is just fucking nuclear. Something has to give, its going to get to the point that every time he starts eating I am going to bang a pot with a spoon.

Well that is my tirade, its been a long time but there will probably be more. Don't even get me started on the water cooler. Who ever takes the last cup of water how about switching out the empty bottle for a full one. I mean do you think I go up to the water cooler thinking.. Oh shit hat I hope the water is gone and I have to go down stairs to get a new bottle and lug it back up.

The Original Life and Times of the Strange blog has been revived, like my ass mooning people in junior high, its in full force. Share it with your friends, send it to your enemies, I don't give an under the bed shit, the strange is yours to do with what you want. I didn't spell check this motherfucker on purpose. BOOM BITCH

Spoiler Alert: People take shits in the Bathroom!

2010-04-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

Why do girlfriends get mad when you fart in the bathroom? Again, let me stress, in the bathroom! What do they think is going on in there? Oh hey, needs to write some poetry or maybe do some homework, oh the bathroom is a great place. What the fuck, its where you go to brush your teeth, take a shower and drop a deuce.

Also, if you have to let one rip what better place to do than in the bathroom? So why do people have to be given shit (pun intended) for farting in the bathroom? Its like getting yelled at for sleeping in a bed or driving in car.

However, there are bad places to fart. I remember when my friend Sean unleashed the wrath of God out of his ass on the New York subway. I thought I was going to black out. My rant is over.

GUESS WHAT

2010-03-03T17:35:00.003-08:00

I Have been rocking out on Facebook lately at the Life and Time of the Strange page.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=663690656#!/pages/Life-and-Times-of-the-Strange/197929125969?ref=ts

However, I plan on returning to the blog.

Tribute

2010-01-20T08:01:00.001-08:00

As many people know I drive a high performance machine called a 1997 Toyota Camry. It has surpassed the 225,000 mile mark and is still going. I am not sure if I should consider it a dead man walking or it is just hitting its prime. This could be just part of the Camry's march to 300,000 miles are a last hurrah before it blows up. Either way I am sticking with it until the end. If the car makes it to 300,000 miles I am never getting rid of it. Even when it doesn't run anymore I will put on my front lawn as a tribute.

If my car could talk I think it would say, Hey Ayla Brown you media hungry whore, you suck! I don't think I can forgive American Idol for bringing your stupid ass to the media surface. You LOST a talent show and your trailor park looking mom is on TV, Gail Huff, thats about it. However, now that your dad won the senate seat we all know you will try and stick your ugly mug in every camera. Thanks for singing at the victory party last night. I haven't heard a cat get fucked by a walrus in a long time. I am glad Scott Brown won but he has an amazingly annoying family.

I wish....

2010-01-11T17:46:00.001-08:00

Man I wish I could talk to animals. I would have a huge advantage over everyone else it would be silly. For instance, I could have a fly, fly around a room, into meetings, parties, etc and tell me what is being said. I could have birds tell me what is going on up he road while sitting in traffic. I could find animals with a sense of humor and we could fuck with people together. Like a bear named Ervis that is cool and wouldn't mind popping out of the woods at my friends.

If some dick head at a bar started some shit with me I would immediately ask him to step outside. Then I would do this weird whistle thing and my coyote friends or dog friends would be waiting. The strange possibilities is limitless, LIMITLESS.

But for now I can only dream.

Friends till the end...

New Year same everything else

2010-01-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

Well its a new year but I still have the same job, crappy commute and natural good looks. The strange has invaded facebook. Check it out if you feel so inclined.

http://www.facebook.com/#/pages/Life-and-Times-of-the-Strange/197929125969?ref=ts

I went to the Winter Classic at Fenway and it was a great experience. I must say though, Fenway sucks to watch baseball in nevermind hockey. Watching a hockey game at Fenway is like taking your wants off in a dark closet and waving your dick around everywhere; it was never a good idea and actually doing it didn't make it any better. The game was like pledging a fraternity, it was a great thing that I would never want to do again.

I hope this year brings us a lot of strange.

BURY ME IN SMOKE>>>

2009-12-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

Well after checking out these websites getting buried in a casket seems really lame. Thanks Mark for the tip.

http://www.budgetlife.com/blog/weird-cremations/

All these companies seem equally fucking nuts. I feel if they ever all get together at some cremation convention time would just stand still. I read further into #12 the pyramid idea and WOW is all I can say. #2 might be the way I go because atleast once a day the Down song Bury me in smoke pops in my head and that is pretty close to being buried in smoke.

I look forward to purchasing my Saints Superbowl Champions hat.

Feelings

2009-11-24T17:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just know when you're a part of something special, like being a part of a World Series team or a team of scientists finding a cure for rare diseases. OR driving a 1997 Toyota Camry that just surpassed the 221,000 mile mark, BOOM BITCH you read it right.

I drove the Camry to New York and back last weekend and it performed like butter on a hot sidewalk. You want to talk about high performance, this is fucking high performance. I am going to drive my kids to their 10 year high school reunion in this car and I don't even fucking have kids yet. I think this car will be at my funeral, I could buy a new car but I don't want to.

I feel like 221,000 miles is just the tip of the iceberg with this thing. Sure sometimes I think it might explode when getting on the highway but hey it doesn't. I think I could drive this car through a brick wall and still get another 10,000 miles out of it. Knigh Rider has a poster of my car on his wall. I just wanted to share this special thing I got going with the world.

Also, I would like to give a shout out to my friend Mark C for spreading word of Life and Times of the Strange. The next 1,000 miles the Camry dominates is dedicated to you.

When the Camry finally dies, this will be its rebirth.

Unborn Fury

2009-11-15T16:08:00.000-08:00

What would you do if you put your head to a pregnant woman's belly to see if you could hear a baby in there and you heard more than you wanted. To get right to the point what if you heard the baby say, "The minute I get out of here I am going to get you motherfucker"? Seriously, what are you supposed to do? Its not like anyone is going to believe that a baby in the womb verbally assaulted you. If you told the mother she would probably call the cops on you for being so fucking weird. Your just fucked, its like buying a new car the day before a shark bites your legs of.

So for months you have to start preparing for this small nutball to show themselves and make good on their threat. You get really paranoid and start eating napkins for dinner and never turn the lights on. Then all of a sudden the baby kicks down your door and starts pissing on all your shit. He looks like he really enjoys it too. You go to kick the dirty bastard out the ozone when you trip over a paint can.

You then realize you have been huffing paint for three days and only have on a Star Wars Apron. There is nothing more I can tell you, just keep huffing.

Does this picture make you feel a little strange? If so that's the fucking point.

Monday Dreams

2009-11-09T05:38:00.001-08:00

Well its Monday and once again time to realize the dreams you had as a child have been crushed by the reality of what your doing for work right now.... and the fact you picked the Packers in your NFL survivor pool and they lost to the fucking Bucs.

Contact the Strange

2009-11-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

Life and Time of the Strange now has an email address and a full staff of 1 taking all comments, requests, mystical advice, etc. So feel free to email lifeandtimesofthestrange@yahoo.com. All of us here at the Strange Headquarters look forward to your correspondence

Nut Bird

2009-11-03T06:04:00.000-08:00

I called my friend Ian to see if he wanted to shoot some marbles. He said he couldn't because he was doing laundry and had to have cleaned nests. I said your seriously going to turn down shooting some marbles? I then asked what the fuck he was cleaning nests for? I started to get mad because if he was my friend then why was he keeping having birds from me? I would love to have a bird sit on my finger. The more I thought about it the madder I got. I started thinking we must not be good friends if I didn't know he had birds.

Well he said he calls his underwear nests and I started to feel better. He calls his underwear nests because he shaves his pubic hair to look like wings, kind of like the firebird.

I said what are your nuts supposed to be then? He said they are the breast of the bird like a robin. I said that is so stupid! I mean if I went through the trouble of shaving my nut jungle to look like wings I wouldn't use a Robin to describe it in any way. I would use the Eagle or Hawk or maybe even the Great Blue Heron but not a fucking Robin. I just hung up the phone because I had things to do and marbles to shoot.

So True...

2009-11-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

It Friday!!

2009-10-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

Hooray for Friday! Except if your Friday is a lot like your Monday or any other day of the week. A way to tell if your Friday night will suck is if you plan on wearing a tin foil hat and flirting with your cat.

Even if this guy is joking with this shit it still reaks of strangely pathetic Who would look at this picture and say, "hey that is one fun and crazy guy"? Most likely someone would say, "What the fuck man?" or "I have no desire to ever meet this guy in real life".

Actually the more I look at this picture I do want to meet this guy and give him an honorary medal of the strange.

Make a change, adopt the strange.

Hey Traffic!

2009-10-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

I just want to give you a big FUCK YOU!

I'll say it again; if traffic was an actual person I would find them and beat the shit out of them for wasting so much of my time.

PS, new poll coming out soon. From the last poll it looks like if people's toilets could talk they would have a Spanish accent (4 votes), followed by Australian and Jamaican tied with 2.

Marley and Me and fucking Ralph

2009-10-26T07:19:00.001-07:00

My wife was flipping through the channels and ended up watching the end of Marley and Me. I have to say I really didn't care about the dog dying, maybe because I didn't watch the whole movie, I knew it was fake, or I never really had a pet.

Well, I did have one pet, Ralph. My dad's friend had two daughters that had hamsters, they banged and created more hamsters, so my dad got me a pet hamster. I named it Ralph from the book/movie Runaway Ralph. Runaway Ralph was cool, this Ralph sucked.

So I get it a cage, wheel, food, wood chips etc and had the cage in my bedroom. Well, the only time that fucker would go on the wheel was at night. It squeaked and shit and I swear he knew what he was doing. Then I started to ask myself, what the fuck I am supposed to do with a Hamster? I mean pet it? Ok, I just pet it now what? Runaway Ralph talked, drove a motorcycle, and was nice, everything a real hamster isn't.

This went on for maybe a month then it happened. I thought we had an unspoken agreement that I would feed him and in return he wouldn't bite me. Well that Benedict Arnold motherfucker bit me! I immediately banned him from my room and gave him to my sister. I wanted nothing to do with the furry fuck. My sister liked him way more than I did and when he died guess who couldn't give two shits? ME!

Hey little guy, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Its the weekend and remember

2009-10-23T09:59:00.001-07:00

E= MC to the party Bitches!

100th post and its fucking bad ass

2009-10-20T11:40:00.001-07:00

If I was an old lady I would want to be this lady. She doesn't give an under the bed shit about anything other than having fresh flowers in her hair, rocking stunning bead necklaces and smoking her cigar. Period. The stock market is up, its down, its Monday, its Friday, you don't feel good, you feel great, she doesn't give a fuck!

PS if this was a poster it would be on my wall... make that every wall.

Jumping Butter Shit!!

2009-10-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought Boys on Wheels couldn't get any better out of nowhere comes Punks on Wheels. These guys are like, ok we are disabled but that doesn't mean we have to give up on the dream of being the strangest we can be.

Life and Times of the Strange and Punks on Wheels, making the world a stranger place one day at a time.

What the fuck is my neighbor doing?

2009-10-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

The guy in the condo next door feels then need to run up the fucking stairs every time he goes up or comes down them. I can hear the whole thing each time and it is fucking annoying. I just want to bang on the wall and tell him to calm the fuck down. I mean its like this prick gets to the first step and something in his head screams Go Time! and he just dominates the stairs.

He is a little guy that drives a big truck. He does do a good job parking though I might add; as he parks next to me. He reminds me of Mighty Mouse, an inspiration to all small people. When I see him I usually just give him the head nod hello or a quick hey. If I go any further than that verbally I know a statement like, "Why the fuck do you have to run up the stairs" will come out. Its like having to take a mean shit and you know an innocent fart could turn into a catastrophe. He lives with his girlfriend too, I wonder if doing this impresses her or something. Maybe she runs up the stairs too in which case they both need to cut the shit.

In conclusion I hope the next time this guy runs up the stairs he trips and I hear him fall down them. Then he can hear me laughing through he wall.

Mighty Mouse is now a target of annoyance.

First Family of the Strange

2009-10-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

This family is soaked in strange. However, they are also drenched in annoyance. I hope something strangley bad happens to the Dad for pulling a hoax like that. Also, no one names their kid Falcon expecting them to be normal.

You want strange, you get the strange!

2009-10-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

I defy you not to fall in love with these guys . They take what life has given them and strange it the fuck out. The strange fully endorses Boys on Wheels.

http://

http://

Sounds of Silence

2009-10-08T05:54:00.001-07:00

Do you work with someone or a few someones who's normal speaking volume is a border line scream? I fucking do and its horrific. Mix this with the fact that they also top out the TMI index (too much information) and its a certified mind crime just sitting near them.

I don't fucking care if your dog pooped a lot yesterday or if your husband doesn't like crowds. I also don't want to hear every conversation you have as if it was going on in my fucking ear! These people don't shut up and everything has to be about them. If you talk about going to Mars they will have a story about that too but it will be better and usually not involve them but maybe someone they know or are related to.

Its simple but true, USE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING INSIDE VOICE WHEN INSIDE. I am trying to get work done, not learn everything about you and everyone you know.

At my old job their was a woman that worked there and every time she opened her mouth I wanted to take my shoe off, dip it in gasoline, light it on fire, dump it in the toilet, and shove it down her throat. She put the annoy in annoying and looked like a fraggle. These people must be stopped and we need your help. Remember the strange has a light and dark side and these people are definitely stranging it out on the Dark Side.

Thanks a lot Hollywood.

2009-10-07T08:27:00.001-07:00

Ever since I was a kid I thought when people got married the priest or whomever always asked if anyone opposed the wedding. You know the speak now or forever hold your peace line. After watching countless weddings on TV shows or in movies growing up I thought it was a normal thing to do. Well just like making me think wrestling was real when I was 10, TV and the movies really mind fucked me.

I mean I have never seen this fucking happen in real life! At no time at any wedding I have been to has the question been asked and each time I have felt cheated. That question opens the door for some real dramatic shit and could save an otherwise shit burger wedding.

Picture you have to go to a wedding three hours away because for some reason your girlfriend's cousin's best friend is getting married and decided to not only invite your girlfriend but invite her with a fucking date! Then, while you were attending the ceremony, oh yes you had to go to the ceremony, which is a full mass, wouldn't the simple act of the priest asking if anyone opposed get your attention. Then hearing someone say "hell yeah I oppose" would be like hitting the lottery. It would be just like the movies and make the three hour ride each way seem more than worth it.

So in conclusion I would like to say Fuck You to Hollywood for feeding me a bunch of wedding horseshit.

The Best Advice

2009-10-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life, whenever I have faced a difficult decision or trying time, I have always followed one of the greatest bits of advice ever given to mankind..........

Well its Monday again

2009-10-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

Do you think this guy gives a finger licking shit!

PS, The Strange has reached over 2,000 hits. Thanks Girls!

Party Meter good to kickass

2009-10-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

If you find yourself standing around at a party having a swell time and thinking to yourself, is this party simply good or kickass there is an easy way to find out.

If this guy is there its kickass. If not just fucking leave.

Full Nuts Out.

2009-09-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

My friend Steve told me he has been creeping himself out in public restrooms. He finds himself going full nuts out before even hitting the urinal. I was like what the fuck man? He said he is just in a zone when he has to go to the bathroom. He goes through the door and is already going for the belt, then unbuttons, sees the urinal and is like airing dick before he is fully in the urinal stall.

He says it even creeps him out because he isn't a pervert or anything. I said, well man I think you might be. Then the other day I noticed getting the wizz stick ready a little early myself in the restroom and knew exactly what he was talking about. I think men need to take a couple of deep breathes while walking in a public restroom because no one wants to see your shit.

Its Monday Again...

2009-09-21T08:14:00.001-07:00

Do you think this guy gives a backflip shit?

Thanks Walmart!

2009-09-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

My amigo Jay at work said Life and Times of the Strange was badass. He said, You know Bobby, you should treat the readers to http://peopleofwalmart.com.

I said, you know what? I love treating the readers so I will. Don't be surprised if an hour goes by and your still looking at all the pictures of top notch weirdos that shop at Walmart. This webiste doesn't need much hype because once you get to it, its pure dynamite.

This guy can't stop thinking about it.

Fuck the Jets and all their fans

2009-09-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

After watching the patriots shit themselves in the Meadowlands this picture is the only thing that takes the sting away.

PS, you know your team and fan base sucks when they wet their pants over a win in the second game of the season.

Sweater Sweetness!

2009-09-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

Why is this lady so awesome!

http://www.lesliehall.com/gemsweater/gallery.htm

Hang in there Camry!!

2009-09-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things come into your life and inspire you. Today it is my 97 Toyota Camry. It has over 215,000 miles on it and still going strong. It has its dents and scratches but I don't care. I like driving a car that I don't have to worry about in that regards. I am not like some people who need to get a boner every time they look at their car in the driveway. If I really wanted a BMW I would get one. However, I don't see the point of throwing so much money into a car and put so much effort to keep it immaculate just to throw it at the mercy of the world. I mean no one else but you gives a shit, some lady who drove her 91 corolla to the Shaws in Dorchester doesn't care if her carriage full of Ham and Arbor Mist scratches the shit out of your precious car.

I digress, this is a tribute to the Camry. In car terms it is a dead man walking, I mean lets face it, it could call it quits any day. Its been running fine except for the fact it needs a new muffler and I don't think its time to give up on it yet. I mean, do you give up on your grandmother when she hits 90? Well actually some people would just park her in a nursing home but that's not my fucking point! I am going the distance with my Camry I am driving it until the engine screams. I am prepared for, one day without warning, for the car to have met its end and I will feel sadness and awe at the machine.

Its like when you own one of those beta fish. After maybe a year you know that any day your fishbowl friend might wind up floating at the top. Just like a car that has over 215,000 miles on it there isn't always warning signs. Its not like the fish makes a sign the day before that says, Hey Jessie its been fun, thanks for always feeding me or Hey asshole how would you like being fed once a week? When I die shove me up your ass. No, that doesn't happen. What usually happens is you come home from school, work, a long day horseback riding and you find the fish dead. No explanations, no sorries just dead.

You think to yourself you were having a splendid day until you saw the fish. Can you find your fish dead and still continue having a nice day? Or is this like a sign of something, something you should take a hint on? Is Jesus trying to tell you something, did someone break in and kill your fish? I mean it was fine this morning right, then why is it dead? You notice nothing missing or disheveled, so did someone come in for the sole purpose of murdering your fish? What the fuck, thats fucked anyone that would do that is fucked. You start the get real creeped out, you call your dad but no answer, then you call your mom and there is no answer because she is with your dad and they both don't want to fucking talk to you.

You sit down on your bed to take off your riding boots and think again about the notion someone killed your fish and the fact there is an outside possibility, a slim possibility that is what transpired. I mean a slim possibility with the same probabilities of the Earth slamming into a giant Hamburger in space and ending life as we know it. All of a sudden the day totally blows ass and you lay down in bed to unwind. You remember the fish is still floating in the bowl and get up to flush it down the toilet but when you look its swimming fine. Then you remember you don't own a fucking fish. So there are now three key questions in your mind. Who put the fish there? Who killed it? and How the fuck did it come back to life? Then you realize you don't live here.

I mean after all that I think its plain to see why I don't want to give up on the car yet.

Go smoke a cigarette, you just been mind fucked.

And the Strange spotlight is on.......

2009-09-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

LADY GAGA!

Ok, this woman is straight up strange and it can't be denied. We here at Life and Times of the Strange would like to commend her for living the strange life. Be it creeping out people named Chrissy at school or wearing horrible outfits and loving it. She is Michael Jackson with boobs and blonde hair. If a space ship landed in New York it wouldn't be to drop off Aliens it would be to pick her up.

My friend Sean said he wishes he could have one night with Lady Gaga. I said the odds of her having a penis are 5 to 1. He said he didn't care, I guess that is why they call him the gambler.

The Strange, a proud sponsor of Lady Gaga.

Rain Drops Speeding

2009-09-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

Man, I have been saying this same shit for years about rain drops.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/itsraininglessthanscientiststhought

LET IT RAIN BITCHES>

You decide

2009-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't think this was a dirty picture. However, having the question posed to me on whether or not its dirty has me in a ball of confusion; and I like it.

Shout Out

2009-09-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

To everyone that doesn't pay taxes but uses the same or more tax funded resources that I do.......

Easy Virtue Sucks!!

2009-09-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

On the flight home from Hawaii between Maui and San Fran the inflight movie was Easy Virtue. Who the fuck picks the movies? The movie was horrible. I would rather watch a movie showing a man in a trench coat paint a red wall white, then just the wall for an hour then the man coming back and painting it blue and then just the wall for another hour, roll credits.

I had never heard of the movie, and now I know why. The plot is horrible, the ending is dumb, I felt forced to watch it because what else was I going to do for 5 1/2 hours? The movie on the second flight from San Fran to Boston was Imagine That with Eddie Murphy. It was Oscar worthy compared to Easy Virtue. Is United Airlines trying to punish its customers?? Even though the movie had Jessica Biel in it, it still sucked.

Paradise

2009-08-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

As I sit on my balcony in Kauai facing the Pacific Ocean I few questions come to mind. One of them being, What the fuck am I doing living in the East Coast? Hawaii is the greatest place I have ever been. Kauai is the shit, I am going to go do something real fucking cool as we speak, peace.

Flute trickery

2009-08-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

Flute players always seem shady to me. I feel as if they are trying to lull me into a state of vulnerability. I never let my guard down when someone is playing the flute. One minute you let the music wash over you, the next minute some guy just stole your kidney.

It's Monday already? WTF!

2009-08-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

It's Friday!

2009-08-14T08:48:00.001-07:00

Tenth Degree Strange Belt -- Objectum Sexuality

2009-08-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

I cannot stress how fucking strange this lady is. It starts strange and at the 2:30 mark it takes off on the strange train big time. This is a real UK Documentary, and this lady is stone cold serious. She is in love with the Golden Gate Bridge and her bow to name a few lovers. She is a world class archer. How do you beat someone in an archery competition that fucks their bow? HOW!!? I am not even going to explain any further. Enjoy the strangest thing we have brought you thus far. PS the lady at the end creeped me out to the fullest.

School for Birds

2009-08-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

As I was pondering how much it would cost to start a blueberry picking farm I thought about something else. Imagine if birds went to school. Almost like a divine plan from the heavens I can see how it would be.

Owls would be the teachers.

Robins would be the pregnant girls in High School.

Storks would work in the daycare (needed because of the Robins)

Seagulls would be the trouble makers, this seems a no brainer

BlueJays, Redwings, Orioles, Cardinals, would be jocks

Woodpeckers would be the kids that loved shop class

Crows would be bullies

Eagles would be popular

Flamingos would be in the Gay/Straight Alliance

Pigeons would be in sped class

Roosters would be expelled because they suck

Swans would be the popular girls

Hawks the popular guys

Pellicans would be dropouts

I could go on and on, my vision was so clear, but I will end here.

PS Gerald just got the same vision I did and is totally blown away.

Cars are everywhere.

2009-08-10T05:24:00.000-07:00

We have all seen those bumper stickers telling us that Motorcycles are Everywhere. Now I realize that people drive motorcycles so the bumper stickers aren't exactly mind blowing. I also realize that some people that drive motorcycles are total idiots.

Numerous times I have been driving on the highway and seen a tool bag on a motorcycle slicing in between cars in traffic, etc. Is it so outrageous to think that this guy could get smushed like a bug doing this? But oh no, people in cars need to constantly be on the look out for idiots on two wheels. Again, not everyone that rides a motorcycle is getting my scorn here, just the people that think they own the road. I think more lives would be saved if people on motorcycles remembered that Car VS Motorcycle = Car.

Obama = Welfare

2009-08-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

The Cash for Clunkers program is an insainly stupid idea. The government isn't giving away government money, they are simply giving taxpayer money (mine, yours, etc) to idiots who think turning in a car that is payed for, for $4500 and taking on a car payment, etc, is a good idea. Yeah this depression wasn't caused by stupid people buying things (houses, cars, educations) they couldn't afford right? This program really works for people who have cars on their last legs not for people who just want a new car but don't need or can't afford one.

It is essentially another haphazard auto industry bailout. Why the fuck do the cars have to be immediately scrapped? I can understand not wanting them to be driven again but we can't even use the parts? If we are trying to save resources wouldn't utilizing good parts from a vehicle that doesn't work be a good idea? Obama is rewarding the dumb. If your driving a shitbox its probably because you can't afford a new car, so getting $4500 off a car that costs say $30,000 still means you owe $25,500.

This article does a good job cutting throught the bullshit and showig another side of the program.

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/op_ed/view/20090805in_plain_view_the_folly_of_cash_for_clunkers/

Remember this program ran out of money in about 5 days and was supposed to last until September. The government just ok'd another 2 Billion for the program! Do you really want Obama and his band of idiots to take over Health Care? I don't want the government in general to take over Health Care, because everything they touch is a mess.

For everyone that voted for Obama because you thougt it was the hip thing to do and actually work for a living, you really fucked yourself.

Smoltz Sucks and the Red Sox are Pussies!

2009-08-07T05:18:00.000-07:00

The Red Sox getting Smoltz was like banging the prom queen. The problem is the prom was 15 years ago and the prom queen now weighs over 2 bills. Getting him now is like a 30 year old buying a mustang because it was a cool car in high school. I could go on until our children have children but I won't. Bottom line you can't have him pitching and be serious about winning or serious in general.

Watching last nights game I realized the sox have no balls, they played like pussies. Hey Smoltz why don't you give hitters milk and cookies to make them feel more comfortable at the plate? Hey Red Sox pitching if another team is throwing at your MVP's face throw at their players too! Drill some motherfuckers you pussy bastards. If Bob Gibson was pitching last night he would of had a death count. Pitchers in the 60's had balls.

Hey Francona how about you actually get fired up?
Hey Ortiz, whatever you were taking before you sucked, start taking it again.

Hey Yankees thanks for building a ball park little leaguers could hit homeruns out of.

Well White People, it was a good ride

2009-08-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Well, Sotomayor was just confirmed. As I have stated previously, I hope when white people are extinct they erect a nice monument for us. I also hope they put in some extra effort and make the wording English. I know I shouldn't be too demanding.

I must say though, Sonia is one HANDSOME woman.

Dentist BS

2009-08-06T09:43:00.001-07:00

I have had my fair share of cavities throughout my life. I don't think all the soda I drank in the 80's helped. Well last time I went to the dentist I was informed I had a cavity that needed to be filled. It is on a tooth that already has a filling, what the fuck! The only good thing is I have a silver filing now and hopefully the new one will be white, even though insurance makes you pay more.

I am sick of the dentist acting all sad and shit that I have a cavity. Its not like he is going to fill it for free. Last time I checked he gets paid pretty well for filling a cavity and I am sure that is how he makes a lot of money and helps pay for his two houses and 4 cars or some shit. I just want to say save the bullshit man, I know you don't give a shit I have a cavity and all you see is money signs. Its not like working in a funeral home and the people giving you business just had someone die. You don't go into a car dealership because your car shit the bed and the car dealer gets all depressed at the fact you need a new car.

So if I get a cavity again I don't want the dentist to go into fucking mourning over it and if he does I will pull out my bullshit stick too. I will start crying and ask him between my tears if he could cut the cost in half or just do it for free.

Seems great until people start dying.

2009-08-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, at first the big wave trampoline seems awesome, combine a trampoline with water and that is pure dynamite fun. However, if you think about it for more than 10 seconds you start to wonder if adding water to the top of the trampoline doesn't invite serious injuries to kids or whoever else uses it.

I mean it is easy enough for some kids on a sugar high to bounce the wrong way or land the wrong way and hurt themselves. Add some water to the mix and you open the door to various other paintful scenarios. Why don't they add flaming torches all around the trampoline that should be fun and really dangerous at the same time.

If you don't like the kids in your neighborhood here is the link to buy one of these and put some out of commissoin for a while.

http://www.trampoline.com/13splash-plus.html

My Friend Nate

2009-08-04T12:39:00.001-07:00

My friend Nate told me about once a month he likes to draw a bath and then get a jar of change and drop each coin in the water one by one. He then gets in the bathtub so he can bath in his wishes. I know what your thinking, that is a lot of wishes, I mean how many coins can fit in the jar? However, a bigger question is who the hell is supposed to be fulfilling these wishes? So you drop some change in the water its not like they disappear or some shit, when you drain the tub you take the coins back and put them in the jar. Talk about being an Indian giver, what a bunch of shit.

If I was some magical entity that could grant wishes and I saw Nate drop some change in a bathtub, sit in it, bathe, and then take the change back I wouldn't grant shit. If anything I would put a hex on that motherfucker. Also, do you think someone who can grant wishes needs your fucking change? Cut the BS, if I was able to grant wishes I wouldn't do it for pennies and on top of that have to wade through a fountain for them.

You gotta throw more than that bitches..

Spell Check Made Me Dumber

2009-08-04T06:49:00.000-07:00

I used to be good at spelling, I think, I am not even sure it has been so long. I know I did very well in English in both High School and College and then the more I used Microsoft Word and Internet search engines the more I diminished my spelling capabilities. You don't need to know how to spell a word anymore, you just need to kind of know how to spell it and your all set. Spellcheck and the Internet will give you a mulligan and just bring up what you meant. Back in High School, like say during an English test, if you kind of knew how to spell a word then it meant you didn't know how to fucking spell the word and you got it wrong.

When I watch a spelling bee or more when I think about watching a spelling bee because who the fuck watches spelling bees I think these kids have skills that are outdated, its like learning how to churn butter or something, the world has made it obsolete.

Rioting Seagulls

2009-08-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or do Seagulls always look like they are ready to start some shit.......

JUST DO IT BITCHES

2009-07-30T06:33:00.001-07:00

Hypnic Jerk explained!!

2009-07-28T08:19:00.001-07:00

A hypnic jerk just sounds strange and that is why we looked into it. The link we have provided will explain why sometimes when your trying to go to sleep or are asleep your body temporarily goes bat shit and wakes you up. When this happens you usually feel mildly creeped out and unsettled. It is interesting that your own body is trying to fuck with you. Also, the lady on the webpage looks like a creepy fuck in her own right.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-hypnic-jerk.htm

PS DON"T SHIT IN THE WOODS ASSHOLES!

Its Monday!

2009-07-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Its pretty easy to determine who the leader of these fun loving dance experts are.

Strange it out

2009-07-23T06:15:00.001-07:00

Whatever this guy is doing I have no doubt he is stranging it out. His outfit to his dance moves are designed for one purpose only............... to let the strange hang out....

Strange Card Game....

2009-07-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

I participated in one of the strangest card games of my life last night. We here at Life and Times of the Strange know strange and last night was painted in it. No one at at the table had any idea what was going on, people were mucking hands they simply had to check, boldly declaring they had straights when they had a pair of 9s, no one knew the blinds, etc. It was weird because it seemed like everyone was paying attention but just had no idea cards were being played. The people involved were Tyler "Double Mr. T", Jared "Arnold S", Dave E "Dr. Green", Dave C "Ken Davis" and Noah "Carpenter".

If a card game was played on Mars between Michael Jackson (who is waiting for us there), a 10 yeard old martian he is friends with and two astronauts it wouldn't be as strange as last night. I had a great time however and won. Also making an appearance was Little Debbie.

Is this website serious

2009-07-20T10:13:00.001-07:00

Well I have one question, are the people at www.halloffameletters.com
serious? The last time I checked George Streinbrenner was still alive, this site acts like he is dead or will be dead very soon. I am tempted to write a letter but it won't be what they are expecting.

Mystery of the Deep

2009-07-20T07:57:00.001-07:00

You ever wonder what is causing the bubbling water shit by UMASS Boston? That is, the water you see sprouting up when walking along the Harbor walk toward the Gas Tank? Well I did, the last time my fiance and I took a walk we were wondering what caused it and why, I figured it was a drain but didn't know much else.

Well God gave me a gift to find random shit and turn it into something useful. I found this blog that actually details the whole thing. This girl drops so much science on your face it is unreal. Read the link if you are interested in finding out what UMASS Boston is doing to cause this....

http://lift2externship.blogspot.com/2009/06/week-2-tuesday-june-16.html?showComment=1248101664404#c1775887316756005953

Great Bachelor party but one thing missing

2009-07-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

I had a great time at my bachelor party on saturday night. I liked chillen with my friends and the booze cruise was fun as shit. Jose Macs at the very end sucked dick which made me real happy we didn't just go bar hopping the whole night becuase by the second bar I would probably wanted to kill someone. My group of friends don't need anyone else around to have a good time. Put us on mountain top with a radio, deck of cards and beer and we will party like it was the 80's. In high school there would be the party and then that group of kids (us) off to the side having their own party within a party. Proms? Fuck proms, even in high school was knew proms were a bulshit waste of money.

Anyway there was only one thing missing saturday night and it was this guy. If he was there the boat would have been on fire.

If Pepsi and Coke actually went to war this guy would be the X-factor.

New Show Idea that will sweep the World.

2009-07-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

Why isn't there a show about people quitting their jobs? I would watch it everyday, twice a day. So many people wish they could quite their job and I used to dream about it every day myself. My friend Mark wants to quit his job so bad he just sits in the bathroom like an hour each day so people don't bother him. People probably think he has IBS or something.

The show could highlight a few people an episode that explain how bad their job sucks, etc and then show how they quit. We could hear how some bosses get mad and say there is still work that needs to get done, there are deadlines, etc. or bosses that try to keep the employee, and so on. Quitting a job is great especially when you already have another one. All the work that was bogging you down, the daily grind that was wearing you out just disappears. You walk in in the morning with a shitload of work to do and with two simple words ( I quit) erase it all. We could see people that are crazy to begin with on the show quit in a crazy manner. Maybe start screaming at people or steal a computer, I don't know man, crazy shit.

When you quit the dickhead or bitch boss that thought they had power over you lose it all. Now they are just another toolbag. If you saw them outside of work they are no longer your boss, someone you still need to please, oh no, they are open game. I understand we are in a bad economy but don't tell me that many people around the planet still don't have a burning desire to quit their jobs and would love to see others do so. Well, I won't explain this idea any further because I don't want the networks to steal it from me like they did with Cheers.

Cheer up

2009-07-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

If you thinkg your having a bad day then read these stories and realize it isn't so bad.

http://www.ibsgroup.org/stories

BING>>>>>>>>>>

2009-07-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Has anyone been using microsoft's new search engine Bing? I have recently discovered it and seeing what makes it different or similar to google. Try it out at www.bing.com. Move your cursor around the start page and random shit will pop up. Don't say life and times of the strange never taught you anything.

Ramblings

2009-07-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like Diarrhea better watch its back because it got the most votes for getting punched in the face if it was a real person. Diarrhea got 6 votes, Traffic 4 and Rainy Days 2. A new poll will be up soon.

Also, the blog has gotten over 1,000 views. Hopefully the planet will still be around when it hits 1 million.

PS I have a friend named Matt and this guy looks like it could be him in about 10-15 years. Man I hope so.

Rationalizing the Irrational

2009-07-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

There are times when you have to rationalize the irrational. We have all been there and if you haven’t yet it’s coming for you. I am referring to the possibility of shitting yourself. At first thought it might seem funny or gross but there are times when it is very real, like a heat seeking missile coming for your pants.

Maybe you’re stuck in traffic, at your kid’s soccer game or maybe you ate something your stomach doesn’t like and 20 minutes after the fact you end up in a situation where going to a restroom isn’t an option but you got to go. There are many variations of the same scenario, you have to take a shit but and the only option God has given you is in your pants. You try to fight it, you start saying to yourself mind over matter and all that jazz. You start doing a tactical analysis of shitting your pants, going over best and worst case scenarios. The best case being how to do it so only you know about it, the worst, everyone knows about it. You start bargaining with God, promising things you have no ability to follow through on. You honestly start thinking how great it would be if you were only worried about peeing your pants. Yesterday shitting yourself was as likely as riding a unicorn to an elf wedding, today it is as real as real can be. I have never shit my pants but I know people that have and lived to tell about it. Some people push the envelope too far and it happens, others are just unlucky. I think if your reading this you should pray for the person that is fighting this battle right now, because you know someone is.

I think if you shit your pants at work your employer should give you a week off; paid. The rationale is your boss should be so disgusted you shit your pants at work they will pay you to stay home for a week just to get the thought out of their head. At my last job I would have done it every week if that rule was in place. The next time you feel this struggle coming upon you remember others are praying for you to stay unsoiled.

State Trooper Vs Clown

2009-07-14T05:35:00.001-07:00

I went to see the Tall Ships last Saturday and confirmed that they are tall. It was cool but I couldn't help to notice the 5 state troopers on every corner. I don't know if the event was held to showcase the tall ships or law enforcement in Boston. I mean you had the transit cops, the staties, the special staties dressed in black, Boston cops, environmental police, massport police, CST whatever the hell that is, homeland security and I am sure 50 more departments all getting paid to do basically nothing. I mean is this where my taxes go, to allow two staties to stand in each crosswalk drinking coffee and talking to each other? Are the Tall Ships really that much of a terrorist threat we needed more cops than tourists there? Cut the bull shit with the false sense of security. What if someone realized that every State Trooper was in a two block radius and decided to cause some shit somewhere else?

Someone with a GED could direct traffic why do we pay Staties to do it? I think clowns would be a better choice because if a scary looking clown was directing traffic you bet motherfuckers would listen and they would do it for a lot less money. Say if the clown from IT was directing traffic, I would do whatever the hell it said. I think all the pointless security took away from the event and if we sprinkled some clowns in the crosswalk it would have enhanced it.

Remember us

2009-07-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

When white people are extinct I hope they make a nice monument to remember us.

CITIZENS FORUM

2009-07-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

This man is the reason you want to go to a city counsel meeting. Whoever that helicopter pilot is better watch his back. I feel like I have to watch my back after watching this and I had nothing to do with it.

I bet it was these two stirring it up.

Weird VS Eccentric

2009-07-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

When first looking at this guy it is safe for anyone to say he is weird.

Upon finding out this guy is a millionaire, he moves from weird to eccentric. The moral here is if you have a lot of money you can be as strange as you fucking want to.

EXHIBIT A:

Fenway Idiots....

2009-07-09T05:27:00.001-07:00

My Friend Sean and I went to the Sox game last night and when we got to our seats there were people sitting in them. We said those are our seats and the guy got up to let us past. We were like no toolbag you are in our seats and the people moved down. Then about 10-15 minutes later a couple came to our row and told the same idiots they were in their seats, at this time the group of tools left the row.

In the second inning my buddy and I went to get something to eat and when we got back to our seats two other dumb fucks were in our seats. We pretty much looked at them like get the fuck up.

My question is are these people new to the planet? Its not like the Sox game haven't sold out the past 500 games straight or anything. Who the fuck thinks no one is coming to the seats, especially before the game even starts. Also, if you have four people and your in the same row the law of probability is against you in a sold out game that four people it the same row are not coming for their seats.

Would these outstanding dumb asses buy a ticket in coach and just sit in first class until the person arrived? What is the point? So many idiots go to sporting events.

*** I would say one thing though, If I had tourettes I would go to as many Sox games as possible. No one would have a clue, I mean people are shouting random shit at random times during the whole game. Ortiz could be in the dugout while the other team is up and some drunk guy would be shouting lets go Papi. If someone shouted cock or bitch ass, no one would be the wiser.

Computer Secrets............

2009-07-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

It is well known in the dork world that if you really want to take apart computers and build a badass robot you need to be in your underwear.

Or if you realy want to get serious get Star Wars characters on your back

Thanks Japan.

2009-07-07T07:11:00.001-07:00

Yay its Monday!

2009-07-06T06:07:00.001-07:00

Well after a nice weekend Monday came out of fucking nowhere.

someone get this kid a new pair of pants.

Poetry Monday Bitches

2009-07-06T05:57:00.001-07:00

Poetry about inanimate objects being animate.

Oh notebook, I love to here you sing
I didn't know you and the desk fan had a brief fling,
You are known to be very good at playing the guitar
when I go to your concerts and I can only watch from a far
Your favorite ink is black and your favorite pen is Bic
I noticed you were in the bathroom all night because shellfish make you sick.

Poison Ivy to the max

2009-07-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

I bet you never had poison ivy like this guy, or was dumb enough to scratch the shit out of it...

Shirt and Tie Guy

2009-07-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

I have to wear a shirt and tie to work. Why? I am not sure but it has its advantages. I sometimes go to Shaws in East Boston during my lunch break. Walking around the grocery store in a shirt and tie it often seems the workers think you are from corporate or something inspecting things, secret shopping, etc. Even if they are not sure they don't want to take the chance. I find just standing in front of the meat section really puts the butchers on edge, like maybe I am a health inspector. If you are just walking around the grocery store without a carriage or basket then they really think they have to be on their best behavior. Its great, you should try it. All you need is a shirt, a tie, a grocery store and you can creep people out all day long. You're welcome.

PS, if you want to take it to a whole other level, a level you might not be able to come back from, bring a pad of paper and a pencil with you.

Take a good look! Picture me mopping the floor!!

2009-07-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Let this lady mop the fucking floor! If you don't remember her then take a good look buddy. While your looking she will be mopping the motherfucken floor.

Attention shoppers your in for a specia treat!!

2009-07-01T19:37:00.001-07:00

This kid has got his priorities straight, he sets a goal and he attains it. You can't stop the joy he wants to share with the world. I love how he tells the woman he thought the phone was to play with. ENJOY. Yes T-Bone it is I!!

Simple Question....

2009-07-01T12:55:00.001-07:00

If this guy was handing out free money would you take some?

** Don't forget to vote on the new poll, we want to hear from you. Feel free to leave comments too, we love them, we love you, and America.

WTF?

2009-07-01T09:41:00.001-07:00

I walked into one of my roommate's room the other day and this is what I found. What the hell is he doing? Is this a sock collection or something? I admit it does look impressive. What is up with the gray and orange socks though, those look gay and nerdy all in one. He doesn't know I took this picture but he will soon. That is what you get for flaunting your sock collection.

Side note: I remember I tie dyed a pair of tighty whitey undies at our junior high field day one year. Everyone else brought undershirts, T-shirts, etc and people were like, who the hell brought their underwear? Hey, the strange is something your born with my friends.

Its July 1st and the weather still sucks.....

2009-07-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

Do you think this lady gives a double twist shit!

Oh you didn't know that....

2009-07-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

This just popped in my mind out of no where and fired me up. I hate when someone says a statement or states a random fact and you reply; Oh really, oh wow, i didn't know that, etc. Then they say in a pompous tone, oh you didn't know that? They make it seem like you are retarded for not knowing something that you probably shouldn't have known anyway and they make it seem like they are a genius.

No I didn't fucking know that asshole, what tipped you off? The fact I said, Oh I didn't know that? Do you know I am thinking about ripping your throat off and feeding it to a sea turtle? If these assholes want to play the did you know that game I can rain down the pain all day. Did you know Alexander Hamilton wasn't born in America? That a Mercurian day is longer than its year, that my friend Nate used to juggle frogs, and the list goes on. These people must be put in their place, the next time you find this happening to you, do not falter, shoot back with a random fact of your own to shut them up. Or simply look them straight in the eye and ask if they have ever seen a naked man in the shower. That will silence them.

Zip Zap ZING!

2009-06-30T08:27:00.001-07:00

Why Does Bottled Water have an Expiration Date

2009-06-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why bottled water has an expiration date on it? Well, we have New Jersey to thank for that. I was pondering this question when I found the answer on MentalFloss.

A 1987 NJ state law required all food products sold there to display an expiration date of two years or less from the date of manufacture. Labeling, separating and shipping batches of expiration-dated water to the Garden State seemed a little inefficient to bottled water producers, so most of them simply started giving every bottle a two-year expiration date, no matter where it was going.

Now, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has never established or suggested a limitation on the shelf life of bottled water as long as it’s produced in accordance with regulations and the bottle remains properly sealed. Makes sense, because it’s, you know…water. Even Dirty Jerz caught on to this fact and amended the law a few years ago. But the expiration date has been an industry norm for so long that many producers have just kept it on there.

Better WIth Age?While “expired” bottled water isn’t going to do you any harm, it isn’t going to get better with age, either. The plastic that water is packaged in — usually polyethylene terephthalate (PET) for retail bottles and high-density polyethylene (HDPE) for water cooler jugs –- is slightly porous, so the water can pick up smells and tastes from the outside world. Keep a case of bottled water in the basement for a year or so and it’s going to pick up some interesting flavors. There’s nothing better on a hot summer day than a 2007 Evian, with hints of dust and a crisp kitty litter finish!

Back by popular demand

2009-06-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

Poerty Monday is upon us. Many people have demanded a new poem. Here it is,

Oh mailbox how you stand ready for mail
How many times have I seen you at the beach with your pail
I have seen you drink a whole gallon of milk
And I know your pajamas are made of pure silk
I know you like to travel the world
Maybe someday you will finally meet a nice girl.

Monday again.

2009-06-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

Well its Monday and its raining again. Do you think this guy gives a zig zag shit?

TGIF! except for dorks.

2009-06-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well its finally Friday, that would be good news for most people. Unless you are a dork and have no plans and intend on doing the same thing you do every night, play World of Warcraft or some shit until you pass out. This kid doesn't care if its Monday, Friday, his birthday, the end of the world, etc, he is going to pretend he lives in a Magic Kingdom and dominate suckas online.

The only person on the planet that can keep this rebel dork in check is the Nintendo King. All dorks pay hommage to the king. I mean look at his attire, blows away a blanket and clothespin. I mean the dude is sporting a power glove, gun and staff, end of story. I would love to see a showdown between these two, it would be complete Nintendo King domination. You know the king has plans tonight, he plans on dealing out pain to the Sega Prince and dorks that get out of line.

REMEMBER as in never forget it....

Say it ain't so!

2009-06-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

We lost a charter member of the strange today. Michael Jackson has passed and his strangeness has left us forever or did it? No one brought the strange like MJ, NO ONE. I mean this guy could distribute the strange to the world like non other. From turning white, to dangling babies, to living in a fairy land, and the list goes on till the break of dawn. Even before he was strange he was strange, doing the moon walk, grabbing his nuts and wearing one glove. I think once we land on Mars MJ will already be there, waiting for us. The strange doesn't die so easily my friends. RIP MICHAEL JACKSON.

PS I am listening to nothing but Michael Jackson hits for 24hrs.................. The kid is not my son Bitch!

Mirror Mirror

2009-06-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

What if you looked in the mirror, the mirror in your bathroom, bedroom, whatever it doesn't matter and someone else was looking back at you? What if they asked you to stick your hand through the mirror and enter another dimension or some shit like that?

I would say FUCK that. I am not sticking my hand through that mirror, I don't care if it is a bikini supermodel asking on the other end. Who knows what the hell would happen the minute you stuck your arm through the mirror, someone cuts it off, wacks it, bites it; I mean does God knows what. People got to think about shit before they just do something like that. I would say hey asshole how about sticking your arm through the mirror. Then I would call this guy who is the best at getting creepy fucks out of mirrors.

The adventures of an ordinary man at war with the everyday world

2009-06-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

With all the shitty movies that have been remade why the crap hasn't the movie Falling Down been remade?! As I was flipping through the channels Saturday I came across the classic flick and said to myself holy shit, what if they spruced this up a bit for present day, make it more badass, etc, I would watch it everyday. I mean this movie is pure stress relief. Who doesn't think about a time when they had enough and it took all they could not to go bonkers? Well, William Foster goes ape shit, he wants breakfast no matter what time it is and will take care of business at all times.....

You forget the brief case bitch.........

Its Wednesday!

2009-06-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

Well another rainy day is upon us. Do you think Phyllis gives a shit?

A new poll will be up soon. I am letting Eck's dominating win marinate.

Stress relief of the strange.....

2009-06-23T06:01:00.001-07:00

My friend Steve shared a stress relief tip I would like to in turn share with the readers of Life and Times of the Strange, because yes it is strange.

He said when the world is getting him down he waits until night time and shuts all the lights off in his room. He then puts on a motorcycle helmet, plays the song Major Tom and spins around in his desk chair. For that blissful moment in time he feels like he is in outer space, floating effortlessly amongst the stars. You should try it out sometimes, I don’t think you even have to be on drugs.

PS Remy is getting his ass kicked in the poll.

The Blog has reached 300 views!!

2009-06-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

The blog has reached 300 views in less than two weeks! I am glad people are checking out Life and Times of the Strange, and hopefully enjoying it. Spread the word to other fellow Americans who might benefit from a little strange. The sooner we get this blog to 1,000 views the sooner we can get these kids out of that fucking field. View the blog, help the kids!

I will make you a promise, pinky swear.

2009-06-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

I promise to never share as much as this blog and that I will never get naked in a small pool while old women creep around me.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XDSIn58RhRo/R78xomrYAOI/AAAAAAAAAXM/KY1HIdvdZBU/s400/smiling%2Bbaby%2B3%2Bweb.jpg&imgrefurl=http://wisewomanchildbirth.blogspot.com/2008/02/smiling-newborn.html&usg=__pDtqIARX744y8PiSk_P1OPy67PQ=&h=300&w=400&sz=23&hl=en&start=34&sig2=XSPbAgQXlRPtdE6D868D2w&tbnid=8lFT2xUFykV_yM:&tbnh=93&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsmiling%2Bbaby%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20&ei=6LU_Sv_INY_DlAfG9biRBg

NSFW..

Strange Poetry Monday is born.

2009-06-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

If I won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore I know exactly what I would do with my time. I would write poems about inanimate objects in action! I would write about my favorite object doing exciting things. I will entertain you with a few examples

Oh Cup, I like the way you move
I like the way you hold liquid to wash down my food,
I like the way you dance in the sink,
I like the way you giggle when I pour my drink
You always go fast when you drive a car
You are always there when I go to a bar.

This is some grade A stuff here, poems like this could have prevented WWII. If I sent my poems to Hitler, Roosevelt, Mussolini, Stalin and Churchill they wouldn't have had time to wage a war. They would have been in their houses all day reading this shit, still in their pajamas.

I think this poem could have stopped the Bird Flu,

Oh park bench I like how you play in the waves,
I like how you yell at dogs to behave,
You are the best mime in the whole park,
We know you move around and laugh in the dark.
I have seen you out to dinner, I have seen you on dates,
I will never forget your prowess on roller skates.

There enough said, this stuff can blow peoples' mind tubes. This is groundbreaking stuff and everyone reading this is getting in on the ground floor, I mean like the basement not the level you are in when you first enter the front door, the one below that, the real deal.

I hope you have a great weekend but.....

2009-06-20T06:54:00.001-07:00

What ever you do this weekend won't be as good as what this guy is doing.

Strange Poetry Monday has been born...

2009-06-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

Its coming for you.

Lemonade Parade

2009-06-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

When I say Lemonade, you say Parade,

Lemonade!
Parade!

Lemonade!
Parade!

When I say Lemonade, you say Parade,
Lemonade! Parade!
Lemonade! Parade!

When I say Lemonade, you say Parade,
Lemonade! Parade!
Lemonade! Parade!

That should be stuck in your head for the rest of the day now. TGIF BITCHES.