Thursday, June 20, 2013

The 5 days after the weekend suck...

Man oh man do the 5 days after the weekend suck and Sunday isn't too spectacular either. Monday through Friday its the same old shit through a straw.

You want to make a scary movie for children or write a scary book for kids like the Goosebumps series? Write about how when you grow up you have to go to fucking work everyday and if you don't like your job it doesn't matter you still have to go and deal with fucking idiots with some cool people sprinkled in. Then show a 30 minute clip of me at work and they will be screaing like fucking cats in a dishwasher.

The only way to survive a job you liken to punishment is to let the strange out. Change the time on the microwave, go ahead do it. Put random shit in the freezer and see how long it lasts in there. Put postit notes on random things in the fridge that say Steve only in it.

Leave notes on people's desks that say call Bob ext 4454 for no fucking reason. Just do it, its the only thing that will get you to the weekend where maybe you can recharge for the next round of Monday through Friday shitbag roullette.

I say! Who the fuck sat there as a kid day dreaming about sitting a desk for 8 hours, staring at a computer dreaming about 5:30 so he has the privelage to sit in traffic for an hour plus?

ok thats my rant. Also if it wasn't for my IPOD I would round house kick that fucking idiot that sits next to me and chews peanuts like they are wet mushy rocks. Yeah let that simmer in your mind. This guy is so fucking useless he asks me about meetings that are clearly in his own calendar. I just tell him curiousity (fuck spelling) killed the cat in a dead pan tone and look away.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Thanks for the free Postage

A while back I got sick of getting annoying donations requests from my college in the mail and other enticements that included postage paid return envelopes. So I started putting them in the mail but not with donations or credit card applications. I put in random notes and pennies, etc, because why the fuck not. Hey college you want me to donate money to you while I am busting my ass to pay off my student loans... here is a penny with a note that says don't spend it all in once place, you are welcome.

Hey credit card company you insist on sending me credit card offer after credit card offer well here is a post it note that says "Did you hear that" or "call me (with my friends phone number on it)".

So if you believe in the mantra Reduce, Reuse, Recycle then send those fuckers right back. You are reusing what you were forced to receive and spreading the strange at the same time.

You ever look in the mirror while naked and say to yourself I could definetly afford to lose 10-15 pounds? and other times think oh shit this is a window?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Are you chewing into a fucking microphone?!!

Holy backflip shit, I know you have seen my posts on Life and Times of The Strange about a co-worker that chews food louder than a fucking buzz saw. Its like he is sitting on my shoulder munching away in my ear. As soon as I see him turn the corner with his breakfast I reach for my Ipod like a drowning man to a donkey's tail.

Its just so fucking gross, the squishing fluid sound, the smakcing of lips and then the real bullett to the head, the FINGER LICKING, yes he does that. Its like kicking my ears in the balls after you shot them in the face. Which technically would by my balls and face but whatever... So what the fuck, I have a mouth concert every morning at 8:30, as soon as I hear the distinct noise of sloppy chewing my brain seizes. I can deal with the throat clearing 100 times a day but this is just fucking nuclear. Something has to give, its going to get to the point that every time he starts eating I am going to bang a pot with a spoon.

Well that is my tirade, its been a long time but there will probably be more. Don't even get me started on the water cooler. Who ever takes the last cup of water how about switching out the empty bottle for a full one. I mean do you think I go up to the water cooler thinking.. Oh shit hat I hope the water is gone and I have to go down stairs to get a new bottle and lug it back up.

The Original Life and Times of the Strange blog has been revived, like my ass mooning people in junior high, its in full force. Share it with your friends, send it to your enemies, I don't give an under the bed shit, the strange is yours to do with what you want. I didn't spell check this motherfucker on purpose. BOOM BITCH